Dear Sir Ben:First of all, congratulations on an outstanding career thus far. Winning the Oscar for your portrayal of Gandhi was a well-deserved moment of glory for an actor of your caliber. While I admit I haven't seen all of the biopic, what I have seen is marvelous, immersive in a way I label very few performances.
I'm writing not as a critic or as a mean-spirited naysayer but as a concerned connoisseur who hates to see a good wine go sour. Moments ago, I overheard that you would be appearing with Regis & Kelly on Monday. Felicitations! A new Sir Ben movie! Yet my intrigue was tempered with maddened frustration when I heard that Demi Lovato, another divining rod of the Disney media blitzkrieg (to which I'll admit I succumb from time to time), would be joining you.
I wasn't mad, because I know you have no control over who appears on talk shows before and after you. And I further concede that I know little about Ms. Lovato or her acting prowess; though I admit to having seen a few episodes of her Disney short-sitcom As the Bell Rings, I can't speak to her ability to guide a motion picture, being that I refuse on several grounds to watch Camp Rock. No, it wasn't Ms. Lovato that got me a little bit worried.
It was the fruits of my impulse to see what your latest project was that you'd be promoting that sparked this letter. Now I know that you're a fine actor; everything of yours that I've seen has been splendid. Snippets of Gandhi, Schindler's List, House of Sand and Fog, Lucky Number Slevin, and You Kill Me (which, if you read this, has been reviewed glowingly on this blog already) are just a few of the shining moments in cinema that have your name attached. Heck, your self-parodic cameo on The Sopranos made that episode one of the best of the season.
But with all due respect, come on. I have no doubts that you give your all to every project that you undertake, and I'm certain that your performances in the films I'm about to bemoan are of the quality you always give. I'm just a little leery of a career turn that includes Hilary Duff and Mary-Kate Olsen. Sir Ben, you're a marvelous actor. While I concede once more that I haven't seen the films (and perhaps they're better than I anticipate), I'm confident that War, Inc. and The Wackness aren't using your talents to their full potential - though you assuredly are turning in the same caliber of work that you always do.
Wait, I forgot. BloodRayne? A Uwe Boll film? Sir Ben, I beseech you - doing a Uwe Boll movie is a surefire career killer. Much as I adore your body of work (and as quirky as I find Michael Madsen), I couldn't sit through BloodRayne. And hold the phone. That's you in The Love Guru? Heavens to murgatroyd! I sincerely hope that this dismal waste of your talents came with a suitably hefty paycheck, because Mike Myers hasn't done a good movie since Austin Powers. Even you, with your Atlas-like shoulders of acting, wouldn't be able to support the movie beyond a crushing catastrophe. I'm also a little bit unnerved that you had a hand in Thunderbirds, the live-action version of the puppetry camp-fest, but I think I'm more upset that commercials are heralding the film as "Starring Vanessa Hudgens!" while you're not even shown in the TV teasers. Again, not your fault.
But wait. You're co-starring in the new Martin Scorsese movie, Ashecliffe, due October 2, 2009? Forget it. There's hope. I suppose I can stomach a Love Guru if it means I get you and Scorsese in one celluloid bundle.
Signed,
The Cinema King
No comments:
Post a Comment