Right off the bat this movie looks like a clunker. For all intents and purposes, it seems to be a painful combination between John Tucker Must Die and I Know What You Did Last Summer. It's also apparently a remake, which adds mega points to the creativity factor. There's some seriously inspired casting in this film - Rumer Willis is pretty much my favorite actress ever. And if anyone epitomizes versatility in Hollywood today, it's Audrina Patridge. Who could forget her stellar turns as "Herself," "Herself," and "Herself/Host"? Poor Carrie Fisher. Her career really seems to have dried up in the wake of that one episode of 30 Rock.
Can we take a moment to acknowledge the downright clumsy and improbable nature of the plot? No, I'm not talking about the killer being resurrected from the grave; that I can handle. No, I'm talking about the train of thought running through the punk'd young man's head: "I think my girlfriend might only be pretending to be dead. I'd better check by ramming this tire iron right through her midsection." I was howling with glee when that happened in the theater, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Audrina wasn't going to be in the trailer anymore. I love when movies are predicated on an entirely ludicrous scenario like this one.
Sorority Row looks like a real clunker, without any redeeming value like all the rest of the drudge that studios slather on between Blockbuster Season and Oscar Season. September 11, 2009: I think I'll be pledging to some other movie.
You know it's a good trailer when you get chills running up your arm even though there's barely anything substantive on the screen.
Hi, folks. The trailer we're looking at today is from a sequel that everyone's been waiting around for: Toy Story 3. It's easy to take for granted the significance of the Toy Story franchise and the Pixar geniuses behind it, but it's also saying something extremely important to note that this trailer feels like a breath of fresh air amid trailers for remakes and bad horror pictures. And in less than two minutes, it's even more noteworthy that nothing happens in this trailer.
That's the genius of this trailer. All we have to do is hear the bouncing melody of Randy Newman's new classic "You've Got A Friend in Me" and see the characters file past the screen with their voices ringing nostalgia in our ears (good to hear that most of the cast is back!), and most of us have already preordered our tickets for Toy Story 3. The folks at Pixar have done it again.
Though there's no plot detail here, what I've managed to unearth is that the film seems to be about Andy growing up and leaving Woody and Buzz behind. With all the cast back in tow, Michael Keaton joins on as Ken (yes, that Ken), and the film is making its big-screen debut in Disney Digital 3-D (trust me, that's worth the extra price of admission) on June 18, 2010.
[In preparation, stay tuned for a tour de review through the Pixar catalogue. Their two most recent ventures, WALL-E and Up, are already posted, so we'll be starting at the beginning, with 1995's Toy Story.]
After Juno, I'll take a look at pretty much anything Diablo Cody does; as a writer, it's nice to see one of the group making it big, especially when the script is pretty clever. And I'll admit that I'm a big fan of Amanda Seyfried, so much so that I sat through the first season of Veronica Mars and even uncomplainingly rented Mamma Mia! Yeah, that's dedication. (Loved you in Mean Girls, Amanda.)
I put both of the trailers up here not because two of the prettiest girls in Hollywood - haven't forgotten you, Meg, how could I? - appear. It's because of the quiet riot behind the scenes which led to a red-band trailer after a few folks thought the official studio trailer didn't do the film justice. It's also because this is such a quirky concept that two trailers really capture the enormity of the quirk.
Looks like this is a fairly straightforward concept. "Jennifer is evil. I mean, really evil." Okay, folks, I'll bite. (Ooh, and I wasn't even going for the pun!) I'm expecting a lot of chick fights from this one, as well as cannibalism, possession, and maybe even lesbians? I feel like The Blues Brothers - this mall's got everything, even another eclectic Juno-esque soundtrack.
Done correctly, Jennifer's Body could be this generation's Evil Dead - campy horror with enough comedy and clever scripting to shake a chainsaw at. Done incorrectly, we could be looking at another horror clunker, the kind we've all gotten to know too well. Either way, I'm willing to give this one a shot. Who knows? This could do for Megan Fox what The Wrestler did for Mickey Rourke.
Jennifer's Body slams into theaters on September 18. Don't talk with your mouth full. (In fact, don't talk at all in theaters. I hate that.)
If there's one thing Sacha Baron Cohen does really well, it's create a character so involved, complex, and immersive that no one seems to know he's acting. Ali G and Borat are perhaps the Superman and Batman, which makes Bruno the Wonder Woman of his "big three" characters.
Bruno would like it that way. He's probably got the wonder-corset in his closet.
Cohen's mock-docs are as polarizing as Michael Bay movies - you love them or you revile them. I've been a fan since I discovered Da Ali G Show on HBO late one night, though Bruno was never really one of my favorites. The character's very esoteric, pushing lines in a way that Borat only approached; Borat never really interviewed the naive Middle Easterners he lampooned, as Bruno does with the bigwigs of the fashion industry. What's spectacular about these films isn't just the situations Cohen gets himself into and how quick on his feet he is in reacting to them, but we love seeing the reactions of people he encounters. There's plenty of this in the trailer, with Ron Paul, a (mostly) pixellated hookup, and angry audience members who are less than amused by Bruno's antics.
I like how this trailer does a similar thing to what Jackie Brown's trailers did - feature praise for the previous film (Borat, Pulp Fiction) while turning the self-applause on its head by giving us something different than what we might expect. What's for dang sure is that this one looks just as funny as Borat, redeeming in some ways the character of Bruno for me.
And I love the casual nature with which Bruno replies, "Zat is such a Samantha thing to say."
There are moments when I sit on my throne and say, "Cinema King, it's time to find a Cinema Queen. Someone to enjoy these movies with." Then I see trailers for films like The Ugly Truth and I realize just why it's good to be single. Remember what I said on June 30 about choosing my reviewing materials? The Ugly Truth is exactly the kind of movie I was referring to when I mentioned movies I know I won't like.
In short, I think the guy at 0:22 said it best when he said, "Oh, dear God."
What's wrong with Gerard Butler? First P.S. I Love You and now this? Isn't this the guy who kicked someone into a bottomless pit while shouting 2007's biggest catchphrase? Now he's playing second fiddle to that talentless blonde so-and-so who trashed the writers who she all but conceded helped her win her Grey's Anatomy trophy? (I'll admit that, as a writer, I'm still smarting over her self-important proclamation that the writers of her doctor drama didn't give her good material.) There's a certain charm that Butler has as the miogynistic TV star here, but it's obfuscated by Heigl's irritating presence.
And is there any question in anyone's mind how this movie's going to end? I've seen a sum total of two edited minutes of this film, and I'm already qualified to give a play-by-play that would make John Madden green with envy. The word "insipid" comes to mind. "Predictable," too. Thank God I'm single.
Men in committed relationships will start making excuses on July 24 when The Ugly Truth plops into theaters.
Other than turning over the reins of the highly successful Batman franchise to the guy who does these Lego trailers (he's called Keshen8 over on YouTube), there's a lot of ways to do another Batman film that could possibly live up to the mantle of The Dark Knight. Since there are literally scads of ideas floating around on the Internet - and since I'm one of the most devout disciples of the Caped Crusader in my circle of amigos - I thought I'd chip in my two cents. Call me, Christopher Nolan; we'll chat.
Shadow of the Bat
The third film would focus on the theme of loneliness. Here we'd take inspiration from Loeb's Dark Victory (as beautifully illustrated by Tim Sale) and from his Hush storyline (with Jim Lee's astounding artwork). The film would explore how Batman and Commissioner Gordon have become lonely without being able to depend on each other. Introduce a slimy deputy of the mayor who's on hand at the MCU to ensure that Gordon doesn't collaborate with Batman. Gordon's loneliness at work is compounded when his wife leaves him (something that happens in the comics), so we may even want to make this mayoral spy Sarah Essen, Gordon's eventual second wife.
The film's major contribution to the franchise would be the introduction of Robin, who needn't be as young as Loeb/Sale depict him but who would be ideally suited to represent and eventually cure Batman's loneliness. Dark Victory proved, despite Nolan's repeated avowals that Robin has no place in his franchise, that The Boy Wonder can and does work with a dark detective like Batman. We'd stick to Robin's main origin as Dick Grayson, with the acrobats but remove the Schumacher influence of placing Two-Face at the crime. Make it a last grab from the mob and Boss Zucco to keep Gotham before the freaks take over.
Enter the freaks - Catwoman and The Mad Hatter. We'll use Catwoman as Hush depicted her - a sensual love interest for Batman, who he mulls trusting since she's an anti-hero more than an outright villain. In Hush, Bruce even reveals his identity to Catwoman, but we don't need to go that far. The point of Catwoman being in the film would be to show that Batman needs someone he can trust - beyond just Alfred and Lucius, who have to be in the movie because I love Michael Caine & Morgan Freeman.
With The Mad Hatter, we'll depict him as a societal loner, a pedophile with an Alice complex who is the dark mirror of Batman's loneliness, muttering lines from the Lewis Carroll works (he thinks, for example, that Batman is the Jabberwock). At some point, The Mad Hatter kidnaps Gordon's daughter - or maybe the mayor's - thinking she's Alice, and the good guys have to turn to Batman, knowing that he's the hero they deserve. Using the child's mind that Robin has, Batman tracks The Mad Hatter down and apprehends him, reconciling himself with the city.
At the end of the film, a la the ending of Hush, Catwoman says something that happens to be a line from Alice - "Oh my claws and whiskers!" Batman, unsure that he can trust her, pushes her away, leaving her free to be a villain or ambiguous love interest in a future film. Robin joins Batman's team, and the Dynamic Duo is born.
Untitled Fourth Batman Project
I haven't come up with a name for my proposed fourth Batman film, mostly because The Dynamic Duo is too cartoonish, but I kind of like Streets of Gotham even though it suggests this is more about cops than the caped crusaders.
All I have on this one right now is Brittany Murphy for Harley Quinn. If she frees her Mistah J, he can don the Red Hood outfit and fall into a vat of acid, emerging as a different actor (Daniel Day-Lewis can be a renegade psycho). I'd love to see Johnny Depp as The Riddler, especially if he takes a cue from his Hush incarnation. The Riddler could kill Mr. Reese, because Batman's identity is a great riddle and only The Riddler deserves to know the answer - on his own. Or, we could utilize Paul Dini's characterization of The Riddler as a pop private investigator. Throw in Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin - he must own a nightclub and not actually be a penguin like Danny DeVito's interpretation - and/or Ben Kingsley as Mr. Freeze.
The DC Universe line of animated pictures continues to hit the high notes, at least as far as ambition is concerned. First they decided to adapt the storyline that killed Superman, then they sought for a tie-in with The Dark Knight, then they attempted to conquer a Wonder Woman origin, all with a Darwyn Cooke adaptation somewhere in between. Now, one of the undisputed masters of comicdom (in my humble opinion) is getting his storyarc from the comic book Superman/Batman adapted for this line of sterling animated pictures.
No, folks, the Jeph Loeb-penned tale has nothing to do with the similarly-titled Dillinger/Purvis biopic starring Johnny Depp and Christian "Batman" Bale. Rather, this is a team-up story about Batman and Superman. The graphic novel, also titled Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, takes place in the closing days of Lex Luthor's first term as U.S. President. When scientists spot a Kryptonite meteor hurtling toward Earth, Luthor declares the meteor is hunting Superman, blames the big blue boy scout, and puts out a bounty - answered by supervillains and superheroes alike. Superman and Batman team up for a few good slugfests as well as a final showdown with Luthor that sets the stages for the Infinite Crisis storyline.
The animation here looks like a continuation of the Timm-verse style of animation with an interesting mix of Ed McGuinness (the illustrator on the Public Enemies issues) thrown in for source fidelity. It seems, based on their track record, that the DCU line will stay pretty faithful to the source material, since a lot of characters (Silver Banshee and Katana, for example) and concepts (the Superman/Batman flying robot) show up in this brief trailer. I'm certain not everything will stay in the story - the subplot about Metallo potentially being the murderer of Thomas and Martha Wayne, admittedly one of Loeb's missteps in the story which he whitewashes by the end - but I'd certainly hope the creators of the DCU adaptation stay true to the surprising revelation about the Kryptonite meteor, revealed in Volume 2 of Loeb's run on Superman/Batman (sequel?). [Spoilers: the meteor is actually a spaceship, carrying Kal-El's cousin Kara Zor-El - Supergirl - to Earth from Krypton!]
I'm sure I'll be seeing this film, but it's a little esoteric of a choice for the animators, who must know that their audience is comprised of diehard Loeb fans. Just make sure you do this one right, folks; I'd hate for another Superman: Doomsday slipshod adaptation.
Superman/Batman: Public Enemies is landing some time in the fall of 2009 - I'll keep you posted.
I love you, Voiceover Guy. I missed you. That said, I think my strongest reaction to this trailer is, "Michael Cera's not in this?" This seems right up his alley, considering this looks to be Superbad (which I loved) with Petrarchan overtones.
Other than that, this seems like another fairly generic "last night of high school" party-venture films we've been seeing a lot of lately, and sadly this doesn't look like it's going to be much better. The Beth Cooper character, stunning though Ms. Panettiere almost always is, seems empty in parts and confusing in most other parts. I didn't feel any enthusiasm when she said "I'll have to let you live," and I'm completely mystified by her character's sudden playful turn to romantic interest in the lead character. But wait, it's a rehash of the "my boyfriend's a jerk and I just realized it" plotline I can never really buy.
That said, there are a few giggles here, but not enough to make me buy a ticket. Rent it, as the two Bens might say (Lord forgive me for invoking their name).
I Love You, Beth Cooper professes its love in theaters on July 10.
For starters, I'm reviewing the second trailer for this video, though I'll be taking for granted a slight familiarity with the first trailer (and that one's embedded at the bottom of this post).
We've been waiting since Kill Bill for the next Quentin Tarantino movie (okay, Grindhouse fans, Death Proof counts) and here it is. We've been hearing about Inglourious Basterds (back when it was spelled Inglorious Bastards) for some time now, and I was just about to relegate it into the dead pool where The Vega Brothers currently tends bar. Thankfully, Tarantino managed to get his script put together and filmed in time for the 2009 movie season.
This one looks like what every Tarantino fan loves - kitsch, violence, and hyperstylized dialogue. Furthermore, Brad Pitt devotees will probably have much to enjoy when it comes to his distinctive characterization of Lt. Aldo Ray (an interesting combination, one reviewer has noticed, of Cary Grant and Foghorn Leghorn), whose every movement is in step with a unique character - the kind for which Tarantino is best known.
Inglourious Basterds probably isn't landmark cinema, but it looks like it'll be a lot of fun. Plus, Mike Meyers is doing an accent again, and Hitler is wearing a cape. Like I said, a lot of fun.
"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. ... We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical."
Ever since we at The Cinema King imported all the Trailer Park posts into one cozy little home, we noticed something curious had changed in the interim. YouTube was posting widescreen trailers, but our humble little abode wasn't cut out for the beauty of a widescreen, higher-def video. Back in the days when Trailer Park lived on its own, videos were still fairly compact and fit comfortably in the niche provided by the good folks at Blogger. Not so anymore.
Fortunately, after hours of poring over code and tips from other bloggers, we've adapted. We've spread our wings, and we're now broadcasting in astonishing widescreen with more content, more video, and more of the benign reign of The Cinema King. Now you can enjoy all your favorite Trailer Park reviews without compromising the horizontal integrity of the trailers - because, let's be real, all the good stuff happens on that side of the screen anyway.
"We repeat, there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind" of The Cinema King ...to you!
Let's face it - you either love Michael Bay movies or, like the song goes in Team America: World Police, you wonder why he gets to keep making them.
Like most male moviegoers, I'm in the former category. Michael Bay movies contain three of my favorite things in the world: a nice hybrid of comedy and action, gorgeous women, and things blowing up. Honestly, I don't need much more in a movie, so it's a good thing that Michael Bay seldom goes above and beyond my expectations.
I enjoyed the first Transformers picture because it had all of the above and - more importantly - allowed a newbie like myself to get into the world and follow the plotline without all that heavy geekgasm'ing that a different director might have brought in. It looks like the second film is going to be much the same, with returning heroes and villains as well as a heavy load of action sequences that Bay does so well. It's not that his movies are unwatchable - there just isn't a lot of substance beyond the extremely watchable boom-booms.
And what else does one expect for a summer blockbuster? Something that makes the popcorn tastes better. Bingo, Bay. Bingo. See you at the movies!
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen crash-lands on June 24, 2009.
Formerly known as "They Came From Upstairs" (which I actually think is a pretty cool title - this one is too generic and has no mystery about it), Aliens in the Attic looks to be a fairly basic kiddie thriller about... well... aliens in the attic. Didn't we see this movie when it was called The Spiderwick Chronicles? (I sure didn't.)
About all this movie has going for it is Ashley Tisdale looking pretty, and I had my fill of that in the three High School Musical incidents--er, movies. Although the one alien who allies himself with the humans is predictably present, one can't help but at least smirk at his forcibly-lovable antics.
But the laughter dies when the ridiculous blond boyfriend is remote-controlled by the bratty boy who instantly resorts to such juvenile tactics as ballet and a numbing game of "Stop hitting yourself." (On that note, what the heck happened to Doris Roberts's career? I suppose if Estelle Harris can land a gig on the Disney Channel, Doris can slum a bit if it means a nice paycheck in a post-Raymond world.) Additionally, did we have to bring back Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger"? I haven't had a song stuck in my head like this since the Miley Cyrus debacle we'll never again speak of.
I'll be skipping this one. The kids will probably laugh themselves silly and maybe even wish there were aliens in their attic, but for parents this is nothing we haven't seen a billion times over.
Aliens in the Attic invades (sorry) on July 31, 2009.
Finally, Martin Scorsese is coming back to the big screen. After 2006's The Departed (which still may or may not be my favorite movie of all time), Marty's bringing Dennis Lehane's novel to cinemas while carrying along some familiar faces - and that beloved Bawstuhn accent that's supplanted the Italian vernacular in Marty's catalog.
Of course I think this movie looks spectacular. Leo's finally becoming a real actor, Ben Kingsley is just so creepy as a doctor who I'm sure is hiding something, and the tension is high as a kite in this trailer.
Concerns? A) The trailer seems to be giving away a lot. B) It seems to be mismarketed as a horror movie, which I'm quite sure it isn't. Everything I've read about the film points to it being a mystery/thriller with a question about blurring the line between fact and fantasy, between reality and hallucination. Of course, how do you convey that in a trailer? How do you draw audiences in for a tight psychological thriller?
Simple: put Martin Scorsese's name on the trailer.
Shutter Island drops into theaters on October 2, 2009.
Continuing with the "God help us all" theme we've seen so far on this blog, I must warn you to stay away from what looks to be another steaming heap of cow... well, you fill in the blank with whatever scatological terminology best suits your moral vocabulary. Disaster Movie earns high marks for being the least funny trailer for a so-called comedy.
For starters, where are the jokes? Iron Man gets flattened by a cow. Um, what? Hulk's pants come off. Hancock hits a lamp post. Miley Cyrus is crushed by a meteor. Sarah Jessica Parker is played by a dude who gets beat up by Juno's baby in an even less funny version of a lame shtick from Adam Sandler's You Don't Mess with the Zohan (oh, trust me, I wouldn't dream of it). It's not that it's in poor taste. It's just not even remotely close to resembling humor. I got more laughs out of the trailer for The Day the Earth Stood Still. (Ha ha, I'm still giggly over that one.) The only time I sniggered was when the princess from Enchanted got hit by a car, probably because I've seen funnier movies where a character was involved in a motor-vehicular collision and was then reminded of them. I could direct this dreck, yet I won't - out of nothing less than pure altruism.
The movie stars Carmen Electra and Kim Kardashian. Do I need to keep going? It parodies High School Musical. It almost wasn't worth even linking to the trailer, although I suspect Disaster Movie is going to be added to several countries' "interrogation techniques" lists. Certainly falls under cruel and unusual punishment to me. Skip at all costs - this from a guy who regretfully sat through most of Scary Movie 4, despite every red flag to the contrary. (Hey, it was in HD, and I have a Y chromosome. You do the math.)
There's one good thing about the trailer. It warns you in advance that the movie you might be thinking about seeing is a complete federal DISASTER.
Disaster Movie limps into theaters on... oh, who cares. If you still want to see this movie, I won't help endorse it any further. Go do your own homework, Mr. and/or Mrs. Tasteless.
In the words of the Watchmen trailer, "God help us all."
Not only is this a remake of an absolutely brilliant 1950s sci-fi flick (and we all know how often remakes are doomed to failure), but it's starring Keanu Reeves. A man whose emoting skills are limited to "...Whoa." I don't think I need to lament the fact that this emotionless mannequin is headlining yet another big budget movie.
What's truly galling about this movie is that it's not a legitimate remake. It's a cheap attempt to rewrite a product of MAD-era global politics into a parable about man's inhumanity to earth. Klaatu wouldn't come to earth because we're destroying it. He came because our conflict threatened regions of outer space - and eventually his planet. And to replace Michael Rennie, the paragon of dignified intellect and Christ allegories, with lifeless Keanu Reeves is an insult. I don't mind Jennifer Connelly as Helen, but what's all this crud about no impending nuclear warfare tonight?
And must Will Smith's kid be in everything?
AND WHERE THE HECK IS GORT? I mean, I know he's in that little frame at the end... but what the heck is Kathy Bates doing in a movie like this? And someone preserve John Cleese's dignity by editing him out of this before it's too late.
Whatever you do, don't pay to see this movie on December 12. Although I probably didn't help the case by giving this sludge free promotion. Just go rent or buy the better Michael Rennie version.
Get ready. If you thought my anticipation for The Dark Knight was overwhelming, take a look at this comic book adaptation. Zack Snyder attempts to do the impossible - adapt Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons's magnum opus Watchmen - and he seems to be doing a pretty good job of it so far. This is twice I've been wrong about comic book movies. First Heath Ledger knocks it out of the park with a performance I didn't know he had in him, and now "the visionary director of 300" seems to have a strong handle on this adaptation.
What's spectacular about this trailer is it appeals to both the diehard Watchmen fans - who are sure to marvel at Snyder's almost photorealistic rendering of panel-by-panel shots from the original maxiseries - and those new to the series that changed comicdom forever. Newbies, I challenge you not to marvel at the three Doctor Manhattans or feel a cold shiver run up your spine when Rorschach says that "I'll whisper... 'No.'"
What the trailer doesn't tell you is that Watchmen is landing on IMAX screens as well. Take another look at those special effects and tell me it won't be glorious to see Archie (the owlship) take flight or the clock structure on Mars rise out of the red dust - all on the big screen. What the trailer also doesn't do is give a semblance of plot to the movie. But that's the function of a teaser. What this one does - and does well - is generate interest in the movie. How else would you explain a skyrocketing of graphic novel sales on Amazon?
Who watches the watchmen? Anyone who's interested can, on March 6, 2009. 3-6-09.
The Dark Knight aside (and a legion of readers rejoice at the start of something new on this blog), if there's one other movie coming out this year that gets me into the theaters, this is probably it. But the trailer's not helping the case, because it seems like some of the magic is gone.
Note the hackneyed heartbeat accompanying a black screen and flashes of familiar locations, right up to the "This will get them excited" shot of the #14 jersey. Then we have a brief exchange that, upon further consideration, doesn't really make sense. What do you mean, Troy, when you ponder whether or not you'll be getting diplomas? Are you in danger of failing geometry (I thought Ryan might be held back because of his presumed illiteracy), or is this an inside joke about how Disney won't let you graduate?
Then quick flashes of the whole principal cast just to remind you which end is up. There's something about the aesthetics here that seems... off. The video seems slightly blurry, lacking some of the pristine color hemorrhaging the first two movies bore. Plus there's something squeakier about Ashley Tisdale's voice. Maybe it's the nose job or maybe it's a poor quality recording, but my ears are pretty good at discerning little differences and my Spidey Sense is definitely tingling here.
Plus there's a lot in this trailer that's laughable. Prom never looked so organized, despite the somewhat raunchy and too-PG-for-Disney-Channel dance moves sported by Ms. Hudgens. And what's up with the Troy/Chad duet... in a junkyard?! Then there's the embarassingly corny moment where Troy needs to make the game shot, and all he can see is his girlfriend in the stands, singing to him that she believes in him. I haven't seen this much camp since a certain Adam West donned a certain Batsuit in a certain decade.
I do, however, like what they've done with Sharpay. It seems they're moving away from making her the villain again and having her just be more of a self-absorbed senior ninny with a pretty dress on the brain. And her brother's taking a backseat again. Marvelous.
Then again, Jeff Garlin once said that there's no point in reviewing movies like The Dukes of Hazzard because "Of course it's going to be bad! It's The Dukes of Hazzard! If you like this kind of thing, you'll like the movie!" So I suppose the same is true here; I enjoyed the first two, and I'll probably have just as good a time with this one.
Then again, I'm getting too old for this sort of thing.
Chalk it up to whatever you wish - my status as a self-professed Bale-ophile, the fact that I normally don't have to try too hard to enjoy a movie, or the nine dollars that I spent on this movie as a blind buy - but I wish I could have enjoyed this movie more than I did. I myself am prepared to blame misleading expectations and a predominantly unsympathetic dramatis personae (and if that smacks of a thesis statement, it's those college days coming back to haunt me).
It had been explained to me as the story of an Iraq war veteran (Christian Bale) climbing to the top of the mafia, but that couldn't be more distant from the truth than Sean Penn's (in)famous aphorism "Jude Law is one of our finest." It seems to be the story of one man (Christian Bale) and his refusal to grow up, torn between job opportunity and a carefree life with his best friend (Freddy Rodriguez). I had expected the movie to be filled with moments like this:
Instead, it was filled with conflict between Rodriguez's character and his wife Sylvia, as played by Eva Longoria. Lord preserve us. Though Rodriguez was adequately gruff and mysterious in Planet Terror, here he's just uninspired. And Longoria couldn't be more emotionless, with an acting range so limited that even Keanu Reeves can do little but marvel "Whoa" at the sheer entropy.
Of course Christian Bale turns in a sterling performance, inhabiting the skin of Jim Davis as comfortably as Lock Martin zipped into the role of Gort in The Day the Earth Stood Still (I'm refusing to acknowledge the remake, I'm refusing to acknowledge the remake, I'm refusing...). Physical appearance aside, it's difficult to recognize that this is the same man who became (not merely acted as) Bruce Wayne, Dieter Dengler, and career definer Patrick Bateman. It's also near impossible to find fault with an actor of Bale's caliber, considering the full-on Bronson demonstrated by his substantial weight loss for the underrated Serling-esque The Machinist.
Unfortunately Bale is no miracle worker. Certainly his performance merits a viewing, but if only there were some way it could have been in a better vehicle. The script here is shoddy, marked by an embarassing overreliance on words like "ese" and "homie" to give a 'streets' feel to the whole thing. How Bale got his performance out of this movie, I'll never know.
Save your nine dollars and just watch that embedded YouTube clip again. Because honestly? That's the best scene of the movie (J.K. Simmons's near cameo notwithstanding).
7. An embarassingly over the top turn by Heath Ledger. [Actually I'm not at all worried about that, as the above clip dissuades any such notions, but it ought to be mentioned.]
6. No Morgan Freeman narration. [Actually, narration would probably kill this movie.]
5. The inevitable turn that there's no way that a threequel will live up to this one. [Unless someone listens to my idea about Brittany Murphy and Rose McGowan as Harley & Ivy... and Toby Jones for The Mad Hatter. Heck, throw in Ben Kingsley as Mr. Freeze.]
4. WAAAY TOO SHORT. Give me about four hours, Mr. Nolan, and I'll be happy.
3. Not enough Joker.
2. Get Smart Syndrome - all the good material being given away in the promotional spots.
1. This movie might be so awesome that as the credits roll I may just die of sheer ecstasy, which would be a shame since I'm sure that I'll want to see it more than once.
Apologies for turning this blog into a walking promotional tool for the benefit of Mr. Wayne, but I just haven't seen a lot of trailers that rock me like The Dark Knight's marketing campaign. Finally more new footage, released through Domino's Pizza's TDK website.
I think I have my first negative comment about the movie. Brace yourselves. I don't like Ledger's inflection here when he says, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen; we're tonight's entertainment." It sounds lackadaisical, bordering on bored. I much preferred the earlier trailer's rendition, which sounded a little more like "Gooooooood evening, ladies and gentle man... We're tonight's entertainment!"
Other than that, no complaints. July 18 can't come fast enough.
Welcome to The Cinema King! If you're hankering for short and sweet movie reviews, you've come to the right place. I've been watching movies for as long as I can remember, and it's time I shared the fun with you all.
First, a few disclaimers. The reviews I post on here are my own. It means I own them, so they're mine. If you want to use them in any way, make sure you credit me, because otherwise it gets messy legal-wise. Stealing isn't cool - and it's illegal, so just don't do it. Also, comments are heartily welcome as long as you're not a jerk about it. Finally, stay in school, kids.
Otherwise, have fun! Happy reading, happy viewing, and happy living!
Unless otherwise noted, this is a spoiler-free zone. I strongly believe in the sanctity of storytelling, and I will always endeavor not to violate the power of narrative by spoiling. As ever on the internet, read the comments at your own peril.
Chalk it up to whatever you wish - my status as a self-professed Bale-ophile, the fact that I normally don't have to try too hard to enjoy a movie, or the nine dollars that I spent on this movie as a blind buy - but I wish I could have enjoyed this movie more than I did. I myself am prepared to blame misleading expectations and a predominantly unsympathetic dramatis personae (and if that smacks of a thesis statement, it's those college days coming back to haunt me).